


Scott and Kira - Playing Doctor… Dread Doctor

by LoveCas98



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, Parody, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 15:44:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5462129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveCas98/pseuds/LoveCas98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Scott and Kira's first time...  again.  And Scott has something kinky in mind for Kira...  Fifty Shades of kinky.  Can Scott rock Kira's world?  Can Kira rock Scott's... sword?  Any other questions?  No?  Wait, I think I see somebody's hand in the back.  Sorry, you'll need to speak up.  I can't hear you.  Yes, this is crackfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scott and Kira - Playing Doctor… Dread Doctor

It was Prom night at Beacon Hills and Scott and Kira and Styles had snuck away from the festivities. Scott had rented a hotel room for him and Kira tonite… Sorry. I mean "Kira and him." It cost almost fifty dollar! He had to mow so many lawns to get that money! But it was all worth it. Tonite was going to be Kira and his… Sorry… Tonite was going to be his and Kira's first time. They had both taken virginity pledges and reclaimed their innocence so their first time could be on the night of their senior prom. They opened the door to their hotel room and some guy was sitting on the bed covered in honey watching Nick at Night.

"Scott," said Kira in her own voice, "I think this is the wrong room."

"Oh, I'm replying," replied Scott. "How do you know?"

"Weeeeeeeell," replied Scott. Sorry, Kira's talking now. I'm so embarrassed… Kira continued, "for one, the key didn't work in the lock even though you've been trying it for the past fifteen minutes. Two, this isn't the room number we were assigned. Three, this is the wrong hotel. I'm still not sure why you got the key, walked to the hotel across the street and tried to start opening doors."

"Oh," Scott said. He was only half listening. Everything Kira said was so complicated! Why couldn't she explain things so normal people could understand. Scott walked to the neighboring room and tried the hotel key again. It didn't work. He was getting so frustrated!

"Here, Scott," Kira said doing her best Arden Cho impression. Kira took him by the hand and walked him to the correct hotel and room. "Stick it in here… that's what she said…" Scott started to unzip his pants. "No, Scott! Stick the key in here!"

"Ho ho! That makes a lot more sense." Scott tried the key in the lock. It didn't fit.

"Turn it around," said a mysterious voice. That mysterious voice belonged to Kira. Don't forget she's part of this story. She's kind of important.

Scott turned the key around and dropped it. Oops. He picked it up and tried again. Fifteen minutes later they were safely in their hotel room. And not a moment too so! The Dread Doctors had almost finded them! Fortunately, the hotel room was surrounded by wolf's bane or electricity or something… I don't remember what doctors hate. Wait, I remember. The room was surrounded with good bedside manner! Ha ha! Where's my Pulitzer!? Anyway, the room was protected from the Dread Doctors in some way. Remember, this is a canon sex story, not a scary story.

As soon as they entered the room, Styles saw restraints on the bed. He turned around and got the hell out of there. On the way out, Styles passed Stiles Stilinski. "Hi, Styles with a "y," said Stiles. Styles with a "y," aka Styles Smoothigoo, had just moved here from Beacon Plains. Nobody liked him. As he was leaving the Dread Doctors killed him. It's okay because nobody cared including his parents. They much preferred their other son, Scoot, who was a teen vampire from the popular TV show, Teen Vamp. Unfortunately that was cancelled because nobody watched it because Teen Wolf rules! Yeah! Don't miss the premiere of season 5b on January 5th only on MTV!

Kira and Scott… sorry… Scott and Kira entered the room together. Kira spied the restraints laid out across the bed. Oooo! Kinky! Kira looked down at Scott's pants and saw just how excited he was. It was not very. Scott was way nervous. He never had sex before. Those times with Allison were just for TV - they weren't real! But this time it would be. That's why Scott got all these restraints and whips - he wanted their first time to be special, just like in Fifty Shades of Grey, the most romantically pure love story of all time.

Scott placed Kira down on the bed and said, "Let's get ready to rumble!" Scott removed his shirt so Kira could see his rippling pectorals. The sweat glistened down his chest as Kira ran her fingers over his smooth, tan skin. Scott's hands glided up Kira's stomach, took a hold of her shirt and ripped it open. Kira gasped! I think now would be a good time to take a break from the story and discuss the history of Beacon Hills, California.

Beacon Hills was founded in 1776 by Jebediah Beaconhill. The town was originally a small hamlet in Russia, but Jebediah Beaconhill liberated it from the evil Communists and flew it over to America on a jumbo jet. USA! USA! USA! He tried naming the town after himself, but the idiot at the town registration office put a space between "Beacon" and Hill" and thus Beacon Hills was born. However that wasn't the end of this oh so interesting story. During the Beacon Hills witch trials of 1692, Jebediah Beaconhill was accused of extreme witchcraft. Unable to defend himself because he was a woman now, Miss Jebediah Beaconhill was burned at the steak. Unbeknownst to the villagers, there was some Wolfsbane in the stuff they used to burn her and the smoke traveled throughout the town turning everyone into Teen Wolves! They tried to make a show about it, but there was no TV back then. The Teen Wolves started killing everything and were really evil. Then Jebediah Bargent moved to town and became a Teen Wolf hunter. He saved the entire town and everyone loved him. Unfortunately, he had to change his name from Bargent to Argent (yes, THOSE Argents!) because Bargent was a huge racial slur back in those times. Once he did that, everyone forgot about him. They also forgot about the Teen Wolves because they were stupid. Then a bunch of other stuff happened, but I forgot.

During your history leason, Scott and Kira had sex like a dozen times. It was way hot. If someone had read about it, they would have been turned on for like, forever. But fortunately for you perverts they still had one more time left in them. But before I describe that to you in graphic detail, let's have one more history lesson. I'm just kidding! It's time for all the hot sex.

Scott reached down and ripped open her shirt. Kira gasped! Scott lifted Kira's arm up and bound it with one of the restraints. Kira gasped. Scott reached down and tied her leg with another. He reached over and bound the second leg to the bed. Then he reached up and tied up her arm. Then he reached over and tied her other arm to the bed. Then he reached down and bound her leg. Then he reached over and tied up her other leg. Then he reached up and got her other arm all tied up. Then he reached over and bound her arm in the restraint.

"Kira!" Scott exclaimed. "Stop getting out of all these restraints!"

"Well, then stop tying them incorrectly! Also, they're velcro. All you have to do is lay one end on the other and they stick together. Stop trying to tie them up in a knot! You know you're not good with knots."

Scott took Kira's advice and attached the velcro. It stuck! Woah! It's like magic! Before he knew it, Kira was good and tied to the bed. Scott ripped open her shirt. Kira gasped! Then he ripped off her pants. Kira gasped! Then he ripped open his shirt. Kira gasped! Then he ripped off his pants. Kira didn't gasp. Uh-oh. It looked like Mr. Floppy was ready. Scott tried everything to get it up - he flicked it with his fingers, burnt it with a cigarette, stuck it in the couch, but nothing worked! Scott looked over at Kira. Oh, no! He was running out of time because here came Theo! Scott had one more move up his sleeve, but would it work? He closed his eyes real real hard and thought about Kira naked on the bed. Bo-oing! That did it! He opened his eyes and watched as Theo slunk back into the shadows from whence he came. Scott was so ready now.

Scott leapt on top of Kira and ripped off her shirt. Kira gasped! Then Scott's phone rang and it was his mom. Mom! What a boner-killer! Scott didn't answer it because he and his boner had recently become best friends and played together all the time. He wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that friendship. Scott ripped off Kira's shirt. Kira gasped! Heehee… Boobies… Scott looked over to the window and saw Lydia laughing. "Ha ha," Lydia laughed. "A-cup. I knew it." Then she flew away with her banshee powers. Scott started kissing Kira passionately on the lips with his tongue. Then his hands started moving… down south… if you know what I mean… Kira's passion exploded like a thousand suns. She started having orgasms all over her body. Kira, restrained by all the restraints, yearned to touch Scott McCall's hot naked body. Unfortunately, Scott forget to remove his clothes so the sex wasn't going all that well. After fiddling around down there for a bit, he finally figured it out and ripped off his shirt and ripped off his pants. Kira gasped! Scott looked down at Kira and decided to give her a little show. He stood up on the bed, directly over her head, and started dancing for her. Kira looked up at and, well, just picture it. She definitely did not have to the best view in the house. Scott squatted down and shook his bum. _Please don't fart, please don't fart,_ Kira kept thinking to herself.  Finally, Scott's show was done. Kira breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Scott was tied down to another set of restraints on the bed. Oh, no! How did that happen!? Scott and Kira, I mean Kira and Scott lay on the bed together, naked as two people who were still fully dressed. They struggled in the restraints as their passions overcame them. Unable to contain his passion any more, Scott wolfed out, ripped through his restraints and leapt on Kira. He ripped off her shirt. Kira gasped! He ripped off her pants. Kira gasped! Then he laid on top of her and spasmed for like twenty seconds. Kira smiled. At least he tried his best. All the while, Derek lurked in the shadows, watching, waiting…

Scott and Kira's first time was amazing. It was a night they would never forget no matter what but would never mention again despite this story being absolute canon. They turned to each other and kissed with their tongues. Their tongues danced together like the devil in the pale moonlight. Then they gave each other the greatest high five the world had ever seen.


End file.
